I confess, I wanted to be Oscar when I grew up.

Can you guess who is completely and utterly lazy?

If you didn’t say “The chick who runs this so-called ‘blog'”, then you’re a hell of a lot kinder than I am.

Although, I don’t know if I could call it “lazy.” I’ve been distracted, yes. Occasionally busy due to my poor time management, most certainly. But I think “lazy” is brushing aside why I haven’t updated in months.

I’ve had my eyes open to the fact that I don’t really come off like I’m confident. Sucks to hear, you know. But it’s an eye-opener. Here I was, thinking I was strutting my stuff to Staying Alive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okpCx87orOA&ab_channel=GijsvanDinther

In reality, I was hiding behind trash cans and hoping no one would see me.

I really love Oscar.

I’m not confident in myself because I put myself down. It’s really simple.

So, I’ve been reading some articles, because I’m not really interested in purchasing self-help books that will only collect dust on my bookshelf. I think I’ve gotten the main points down on what I need to do. It’s the ideas that stood out for me, which, you know, really does mean that those are the points that hit hardest to home for me.

But the thing is, I actually already knew I had to to these things.

Whenever my friends are down, I always tell them they should try and identify what pushed them down the stairs. Identification is so important in almost every aspect of the word. What I have to do, my friends, is identify what I cling to that pulls me down. What is it that I latch onto to grade my self-worth? Do I compare myself to someone? Do I look at myself in the mirror and think “You don’t look like Charlize Theron?” and thus am immediately unconfident?

It’s been affecting my job search more than I realised. I walk into interviews and the sharks can already smell I’ve scratched myself. It doesn’t really make you feel good. But identifying the problem and then breaking it down is the best thing someone can do to change the way they perceive things.

Fingers crossed I only continue to move upward. Fingers crossed I actually sit down and think of a topic for this blog. Fingers crossed I’m as cute as Oscar the Grouch when I’m at my grumpiest.

The question I’ve had to ask myself is: If I don’t have confidence in myself, then why should anyone else?

I have a confession …

I’ve been trying to figure out what my next blog post should be. I haven’t really defined my blog. Do I really need to define it? Maybe I do. But I figured maybe my next post should be something honest.

I have a confession to make.

Don’t worry, I’m not Kel. I don’t even like orange soda.

And no, I didn’t put the screw in the tuna.

You know how I said in my last post not to give up? Well, I sort of did. I’ve been down and moody, upset and angry, and it’s all because I gave up.

Now, that’s a bit of a lie, given how I’ve had an interview or two in the interim. I’ve applied for positions to not hear back — and that’s fine, I wasn’t shortlisted. But I gave up in the sense that I feel like I’m going nowhere — and I’ve admitted it.

I haven’t done a lot of what I’ve wanted to do because of this. I haven’t online shopped since my birthday. I haven’t gone to bed early for the heck of it. I haven’t written anything creative despite wanting to. I have placed all these blocks on myself and for what?

I’ve found that it is too easy to fall into a bubble of negativity. I do believe it’s necessary sometimes, to fall into a bit of a hole where you feel like nothing is going your way. It’s horrible to experience and it’s horrible to think about, but, it made me change a few things in my life. However permanent these may be, we’ll see.

But I’ll tell you what changed.

I started opening up to some good mates of mine about how I felt. I’d been keeping my own feelings to myself and acting like a happy-go-lucky kind of girl without any worries of my own. I didn’t like to burden people with it. But friends are there to let you burden them. And they’re there to help you unburden yourself. I started to be open on my Facebook about how I felt, and I’ve had people support me and maybe even act differently toward me (the good kind of different, before you even worry) because they understood I was struggling. I’ve acknowledged why I am unhappy with myself. I’ve acknowledged what I want to achieve. And after speaking to a good mate on our Saturday Maccas run, while also chatting to a good buddy overseas, I’ve decided to make myself a promise to do what I want and to make time for myself.

So, if you’re feeling blue and you’re down in the dumps, promise me one thing: Be down, be in the dumps, but do something you want to do. Go for a walk, a bike ride. Read a book. Buy something gorgeously expensive online. (Look, I am. And lets hope I get the sizes right this time.) Admit you’re not happy and then be happy, because it worked for me. My upward climb is slow, but I’m in control of whether or not it’s steady.

The valuable lesson I learned this month? People will always want the best for you, even when you don’t want it for yourself. But there is power in wanting the best for yourself, too. Do what you want. Try and achieve what you want to achieve. Give yourself permission to want what you want and go for it. Stop holding yourself back, or I will put a screw in your tuna.